Hey Mckenzie! My first impression of your storybook main page was positive. I like the picture you chose. I went to the introduction page and noticed that unusual night is not capitalized. I enjoy the photo you put in the header. In your second paragraph, there is a sentence that starts with “During the night….”, after the word sleep, I believe there should be a comma. I think that the sentence that starts with “Clara, who eventually….”, could be broken into more than one sentence. I believe that it would sound better and make the sequence of events clearer. There needs to be a comma after “From the audience’s point of view,” and an apostrophe after audience in the fifth paragraph. I enjoyed the story very much. There are a few more commas that are needed in the last paragraph, but overall it is well written. I am looking forward to how the story will play out. I am not quite sure due to the random ending. I would like to see where this goes and what you do with it.
I love the scene setting that you do. Are you a dancer yourself? If not, you've really done your research about what the dance world looks like. I also appreciate that you linked the terminology that the average reader might not know to a YouTube video that helps explain what exactly it is. You also do a great job describing the scene, especially as you describe how Mina's "breath picked up" as she prepares to go on stage. That really helps the reader to kind of place themselves in the action and feel like they're Mina themselves. I'm also really interested in this plot point! How did the mirror become magic? It is very "Through the Looking Glass"-esque... (it would actually be interest to do a whole project on the role of mirrors in mythology). Are the other dancers going to come through the mirror with her, or is she unique in her ability to pass over? Why is this? Can't wait for the next installment!
I love the twist you put on this story in the last portion of the intro. I like the part when Mina steps through the mirror and you write, ".... she was standing in front of a real-life castle. Mina was no longer on stage dancing the Nutcracker." But, would you consider moving those sentences around? So, it would read, "However, what she saw when she turned around nearly took her breath away. Mina was no longer on stage dancing the Nutcracker. Instead of the three-story theatre filled with people and lights, she was standing in front of a real-life castle." I think switching those sentences would make that part flow better. Also, doing that will indicate to the reader that the next part of your story will begin with describing the castle and Mina's environment. I am looking forward to the rest of your storybook, and I know it is going to be really great!
Hi McKenzie! I really enjoyed your introduction. It was really helpful that you explained the story and then even gave a detailed description of the play's important scenes. You do a good job with description, however there is a lack of emotional ties. Why is something a certain way - is there a purpose to certain effects and actions and descriptions? The plot twist at the end was fantastic. I would definitely like some more description though. Is there anyone else around? Where is the Nutcracker? You have a really good foundation here and I think it is going to be an awesome story. I can't wait to see what happens next!
McKenzie, I loved your introduction! I have always loved The Nutcracker and think it is so timeless and beautiful. I really enjoyed how your introduction began in modern times, I feel like most of the storybooks are set in a different era so that was a refreshing change. You had a couple of grammatical errors that I would read through again, and I would also be very careful of your tenses when you are having the dancer go over the choreography in her head. I thought that was a very natural way of explaining the story but just make sure if you are reviewing it in past tense that you stay in past tense. What a great cliff hanger at the end, I am dying to know what happens after this! All in all I thought this was a really great start to your project and I cannot wait to read more!
Hi McKenzie, I really enjoyed your introduction I love the Nutcracker so I'm excited to read the rest of the story. I was really grateful that you included a link for the bourre, because otherwise I would not have know what that was. I really enjoy the story within a story approach that you're taking. I like that you included why you want to write this story in your Author's Note. It might be helpful to further explain the typical plot of the Nutcracker in the note. There were a few grammatical errors I noticed, but nothing that deterred from being able to easily read the story. I think this story could potentially be developed further if you elaborated on Mina's personality more. If she is a very logical person, she may be more intensely shocked by her transportation into the story. Great job, and I look forward to reading the rest of your Storybook
Hey McKenzie! I thought this story was really interesting! The way you described the setting, the stage, and the entire play was really cool! You described the switch between young Clara and adult Clara perfectly to where people would understand what you meant! I could imagine that scene in my head and I could imagine myself loving that scene along with the rest of the audience! I thought it was super cool how you made her appear in front of a real castle at the end of the story. It gets people wondering if this is a dream or if this is a magical world that Mina is living in. I also liked the picture you incorporated into the story because it's a really pretty image of someone playing Clara in a Nutcracker play and it sets the mood pretty well. I can't wait to read the rest of the story! :)
As someone who had a sister that danced in the Nutcracker for many years, it was a nice reminder of those times to read about the way you described the Nutcracker!
I like your choice of images so far. The Nutcracker on the home page is an obvious choice that works really well, showing us what the nutcracker looks like. The title works well too, since it describes both what the Nutcracker is about as well as the story of the Introduction where Mina gets pulled into a fantasy world right from the stage!
One thing you might want to look at is the structure of your sentences. There were a few times in the Introduction where the wording felt a little awkward and halting and could be smoothed out a little. Other than that, the concept is solid and I look forward to seeing how you take the Nutcracker and apply... well, the very idea of the Nutcracker's story to it!
Your storybook caught my eye because I used to dance in the Nutcracker every year as well when I was a child. I always looked forward to trying out for the Nutcracker and seeing what character I would get to be that year. Your introduction really brought back some good memories from my childhood. I liked your use of imagery in both your introduction and story 1. I think it really would help people to see the characters if they have never heard of or seen the nutcracker before. Also, I was very engaged the whole time I was reading your storybook and after reading story 1, I was left wanting to know what was going to happen next. I guess that is the fun of these things right? Anyways, great job! I am looking forward to see the end result of your story book and what other adventures Mina may get into.
First, I love your overall storybook theme. I think it is awesome that you were able to connect this story with a personal story of your own. That makes it so much easier and more enjoyable to write! The title for your story is perfect - the image and title really draw your readers in. Your introduction has a lot of detail to help the readers understand the overall idea and theme of the Nutcracker. I have seen the plays several times, but I don't know the whole story. Your images are perfect because it helps develop Clara in the story. The main recommendation that I have is in regards to your first story. I did not see an author's note. Although it doesn't seem really important, it is always nice to get a good background of the story and where you received your inspiration from. I wasn't sure if this story was connected to the author's note on your first page or not. Since I am slightly unfamiliar with the overall story, I think it would help some of your readers get a better idea of where you are going with it. But I think your story was written really well and it allowed my imagination to go wild. Your descriptions of the places and characters are perfect! Good job!
Hello! Oh my goodness! I really like this! I could tell right away that you had some knowledge of ballet. When I read your author's note and saw that you have danced in the Nutcracker 7 times, I was glad to see I was right. I have danced in the Nutcracker before, but I was just a snowflake. My ballet knowledge is like zero and I don't dance anymore, but I think it is super amazing that you are able to take that knowledge you have and turn it into a story like this. I love the idea that the main character is an actual ballerina and gets transported into the ballet she is performing. Even better, her life once transported in is the same as the character she was playing. I can't wait to keep reading this story! My only critic is the names of each chapter in your story. I think "story 1" could be named something different. Overall, awesome job!
Hi McKenzie! I loved reading your storybook about the Nutcracker happening in real life. I was really impressed with how you setup the scenes and described everything in vivid detail. I actually felt like I was there with Mina. I think it is awesome that you danced in the Nutcracker for seven years and I think that is what helped you write a really descriptive storybook. I also loved the pictures that you used for your storybook as I found that they were actually related to the story you were telling. I do have some feedback for you on your navigation buttons. I would change the name of Story 1 to something more descriptive as the reader can already tell that it is Story 1. Instead of saying Story 1 I would maybe rename it to: “Mina in the Castle” or something like that. I would pick a title that would tease the story without revealing everything.
I love your blog layout, I have the exact same one! I clicked on your story because I am a huge fan of The Nutcracker. I loved reading your storybook! I am happy that you wrote about something you had personal experience with. Do you still do ballet? It was really cool how you put something you are passionate about into a storybook. I love the choices of images you have! It goes along with your theme and stories very well. The images definitely help the readers visualize what you are trying to convey. I loved everything about The Castle. I loved the amount of details and dialogue you had. I liked the twist at the end. I am intrigued to learn more about the Evil Mouse Queen. I look forward to reading more of your story!
I absolutely love your idea. It's very original and I also grew up with this story so it's very fun to read a similar yet different twist to it! I love the layout of your blog, it's very easy to navigate and it's easy to keep track of the story. I appreciate the author's note too and how you kind of recap what has happened so far in the story. Your story is a mixture of modern times with a fantasy world, and I really like it. It can be hard to mix the two without confusing people, but the way you used the mirror to link them was great! I personally have never heard of the version where Madam Mouse is involved, so I'm very interested to see where it goes! My only suggestion is to perhaps focus on using descriptive words to really set the scenery because this play is so vivid!
Hi McKenzie! I was a ballet dancer for sixteen years, so reading your introduction brought me right back to Nutcracker season. I especially liked the way you described the feeling of nervous excitement Mina feels as she climbs into the mirror. I have had that same experience many times climbing into a present before popping out as the Soldier Doll in the Party Scene.
In "The Castle" I love the idea of a dancer getting to actually experience the second act of the ballet. That would be quite the experience! The only thing I noticed was in the final sentence I think you meant "better known as the Evil Mouse Queen" instead of "better know as the Evil Mouse Queen." I'm looking forward to hearing about her in the next story.
I like how you have paralleled the traditional battle scene in your story but with a new character who has a real motivation for attacking the kingdom. Unlike the Rat King in the ballet who usually seems to attack for no reason, Madam Mouserinks wants revenge.
I also love all the great ballet photos. Good job!
Hi McKenzie! Wow, it sure has been a while since I have thought about the Nutcracker. Growing up every Christmas time in Houston the Nutcracker would be performed with the Houston symphony. This was a refreshing blast to the past reading your stories. I really enjoyed the turn you took to take the ballerina who plays Clara into the actual Nutcracker world. While I was reading your introduction, I was so consumed by the actual story of the Nutcracker that I forgot you were probably going to be changing it up a bit. As I was reading your stories I was actually picturing myself there. You do a wonderful job creating images through words in your writing. I also think you have done a great job creating and experience for your readers through the appearance of your project website. Overall, I think you are a fantastic storyteller. I look forward to reading more from you in the future and seeing where you take your stories. Good luck!
Hi McKenzie! I love the layout of your storybook and the pictures you chose to use in it! It really brings the Christmas feel to your project. While sadly to say, I am not too familiar with the Nutcracker, I do like the idea of your storybook. I've always wanted to go watch the Nutcracker ballet, but just never have around Christmas time. I liked that you have decided to use original stories and retelling them in a way that is still dance related. Your writing is very easy to read, and I actually feel as if I was there with Clara, experiencing all the changes she is. I can't wait to read more of your project! Good job!
Hey McKenzie! First off, I absolutely love the style and layout of your storybook and your blog. The blog is super colorful, without being distracting. Your storybook has wonderful pictures that really set the scene for Christmas. I also love the theme for your storybook. I am a huge fan of The Nutcracker! It is my favorite ballet and my father has taken me to see it every December since I was a small child. Your storybook brought back all those memories of the magic of that ballet. I once saw a production of it where the ballet company changed up the story, but I love your changes more. I hope I get the chance to come back and read more, because I absolutely love this! Great work!
Hi McKenzie! First and foremost, great layout to your storybook and blog. All the header photos and background photos set the scene and are very colorful! The theme of the story book is really fun and who doesn't love Christmas. Its really neat that the second story was based on a play. The dialogue seemed so real and I felt like I was right there in the ballroom. I also really liked the ending how the tear saved the Nutcrackers life. The scene was so well described that I had a very clear image, almost movie-like, of what happened. Some places I would consider expanding on would be the battle. It seemed like she grabbed a weapon, was surrounded, and then the battle was over. Some descriptions on the difficulty and how they traded blows would be great to read! Otherwise, really fun story and I look forward to reading more!
Hey, McKenzie, I really like the premise of your project. Its super creative and unique. I'm in the Indian Epics class but I am really glad I stumbled on your storybook! I like the look of your site as well. The pictures you've chosen are awesome. What if you added some of the music from The Nutcracker to add another dimension to your project? Embedding sound is pretty easy and would take your readers even deeper into the world of your story. Writing-wise your stories are really good and rich description seems to be a strong point for you. I think the only thing revision I could suggest would be to separate your dialogue from the rest of the paragraph, it would just make the stories flow better. I really glad I found your project and your knowledge of ballet and The Nutcracker really shines through, thanks for sharing!
Hi Mackenzie! Your project is so unique and interesting, and I think it's super amazing that you've drawn not only from an established story but from your own personal experience with that story! You do a really good job of giving us Mina's perspective (your experience shines through) and the dialogue all felt very natural. You also excel at telling the story effectively - you're succinct without sacrificing detail. The way you end each episode of the larger tale on an exciting cliffhanger really stuck out to me, as I haven't seen that done in any other storybooks and it kept me hooked. My only critique would be that your home page seems a little empty at the moment because of all the white space. It might help to add another picture besides the header! Overall, I had a lovely time reading through your storybook, and I'll definitely be revisiting it in the future!
Hey there, Mackenzie! This was a really neat and creative idea for a storybook project. I really like the fact that you chose something that had personal meaning to you. I think that this always makes it easier when trying to creatively write. It makes the stories flow so much better and contain detail that you can relate to. I also really liked the overall setup of your story page. It is very easy to navigate and had a clean look to it. The intro was also very nicely written. It contains plenty of detail and background knowledge. It really does a great job in setting the stage for the upcoming stories. The additional two stories were also great. The dialogue is great and it adds to the magnitude of the situation. I really liked how well you described Mina's current state and the utter confusion of the situation. You are doing a great job here. Keep up the great work!
Hi McKenzie! I read your introduction a few weeks ago and was excited to come back and see how your storybook was progressing. Your pictures are so beautiful and set the tone perfectly for the stories! How you described the scene of "The Castle" was just beautiful, and I love that Mina's friends were there but that they are part of the world and do not know her. I also thought the twist at the end where the Mouse Queen shows up was a fun surprise that we were not expecting. The story was super well written and very immersive. I also enjoyed your story describing the battle, and am curious how the romance between the nutcracker and Mina will continue to develop in the next story! It seems that your storybook has all the elements needed for a really intriguing story, and I really enjoyed how it has progressed. Great job!
Hey McKenzie! Wassup girl! First of all, this is my first time reading your project and I like the way it's laid out! Also, it's really smart that you had a dance theme in your project because I know how much you love dance (obviously) and I also know it's a big part of your life (also obviously!). I did kind of the same thing with my storybook and had the same character laced throughout each story. I like how you did it with yours because I think it connects everything together in a very unique way. I thought the story, "The Castle" was particularly interesting because you took something that actually happens on stage and transforms it into the "real world." It's interesting because Mina already kind of knows what's going on because she sees it onstage but now she is seeing it from a really different perspective! Keep up the great work with your storybook McKenzie it looks really good!
Hey there McKenzie, I really like the idea of your project. Its creative and unique and definitely not something I could have thought up. I'm in the Indian Epics class but I am really glad the randomized gave me your storybook! I like the look of your site as well. The pictures you have used really help the reader get the full affect of the story. What if you added some of the music from The Nutcracker to add another dimension to your project!? I really think that would add just another level to the story experience. Writing-wise your stories are really good and rich description seems to be a strong point for you. I think the only thing revision I could suggest would be to separate your dialogue from the rest of the paragraph, it would just make the stories flow better. Anyways good job on the story and I hope the rest of the semester goes well for you!
Hi, McKenzie! As a music major, one of the main things that drew me to your story is the title. Tchaikovsky is my favorite composer and as he composed The Nutcracker, I just had to read it. This week, I chose to focus mostly on your story, “The Castle.” So to begin, you have set the staging so well! The only thing I would suggest on this front is to add some imagery! What did the castle look like? Was it stone? Was there a drawbridge? Next, are the chandeliers in the ballroom? I love the spin you are taking on this story. It is so intriguing for us to read this classic story from a different point of view. Also, the picture of the ballroom is totally gorgeous. I also love the spin that the mouse king is actually a queen in your version. Thanks so much for sharing a piece of your craft with us. I look forward to reading more!
Hi again, McKenzie! I still absolutely love the look of your two sites. They both look great with beautiful designs and great color choices! Your storybook is really coming together. I really like the latest part, The Battle. Your writing is fantastic! I also really enjoy your banner image on that page. The Tulsa Ballet's production of The Nutcracker is the one that I have attended every December since I was a little girl. I think your story is really great, just maybe add in some more details to help the readers really picture what is happening. I hope to read more!
Hi McKenzie! I haven't visited your storybook since you first published your introduction. I love the story of the Nutcracker so I am excited that your story has expanded so much!
I love how your stories flow together to create a beautiful, cohesive tale. You've done a great job at displaying the confusion that Mina is feeling in the moment after she walks into the palace and is greeted by the dancers. I like the twist at the end with the evil Mouse Queen! Again, you've done such a great job at painting your story. I can vividly see Clara (Mina) and the other dancing ripping off decorations to swarm the mice.
I enjoy your Author’s Notes! You clearly show where you draw different elements and inspirations for your story from. I didn’t realize there were so many plot differences between different retellings of the Nutcracker.
I am so surprised that it has taken me until the end of the semester to find your Storybook project, but I am so glad that I came to it before the semester ends!
I love that you were able to find a connection between the class and a topic that has personal significance to you, and then write a story about it. This retelling of the Nutcracker is so cool, especially because I was previously unfamiliar with the story. I learned a lot about both the story and the ballet from reading your retelling! I like that you were willing to veer from the popular ballet and incorporate elements from original story, while also adding your own unique details. You could use a little more proofreading in some places, but overall, I think your storyline is very good, and made for an interesting read. Great work!
Hey Mckenzie! My first impression of your storybook main page was positive. I like the picture you chose. I went to the introduction page and noticed that unusual night is not capitalized. I enjoy the photo you put in the header. In your second paragraph, there is a sentence that starts with “During the night….”, after the word sleep, I believe there should be a comma. I think that the sentence that starts with “Clara, who eventually….”, could be broken into more than one sentence. I believe that it would sound better and make the sequence of events clearer. There needs to be a comma after “From the audience’s point of view,” and an apostrophe after audience in the fifth paragraph. I enjoyed the story very much. There are a few more commas that are needed in the last paragraph, but overall it is well written. I am looking forward to how the story will play out. I am not quite sure due to the random ending. I would like to see where this goes and what you do with it.
ReplyDeleteMcKenzie,
ReplyDeleteI love the scene setting that you do. Are you a dancer yourself? If not, you've really done your research about what the dance world looks like. I also appreciate that you linked the terminology that the average reader might not know to a YouTube video that helps explain what exactly it is. You also do a great job describing the scene, especially as you describe how Mina's "breath picked up" as she prepares to go on stage. That really helps the reader to kind of place themselves in the action and feel like they're Mina themselves. I'm also really interested in this plot point! How did the mirror become magic? It is very "Through the Looking Glass"-esque... (it would actually be interest to do a whole project on the role of mirrors in mythology). Are the other dancers going to come through the mirror with her, or is she unique in her ability to pass over? Why is this? Can't wait for the next installment!
I love the twist you put on this story in the last portion of the intro. I like the part when Mina steps through the mirror and you write, ".... she was standing in front of a real-life castle. Mina was no longer on stage dancing the Nutcracker." But, would you consider moving those sentences around? So, it would read, "However, what she saw when she turned around nearly took her breath away. Mina was no longer on stage dancing the Nutcracker. Instead of the three-story theatre filled with people and lights, she was standing in front of a real-life castle." I think switching those sentences would make that part flow better. Also, doing that will indicate to the reader that the next part of your story will begin with describing the castle and Mina's environment. I am looking forward to the rest of your storybook, and I know it is going to be really great!
ReplyDeleteHi McKenzie! I really enjoyed your introduction. It was really helpful that you explained the story and then even gave a detailed description of the play's important scenes. You do a good job with description, however there is a lack of emotional ties. Why is something a certain way - is there a purpose to certain effects and actions and descriptions? The plot twist at the end was fantastic. I would definitely like some more description though. Is there anyone else around? Where is the Nutcracker? You have a really good foundation here and I think it is going to be an awesome story. I can't wait to see what happens next!
ReplyDeleteMcKenzie, I loved your introduction! I have always loved The Nutcracker and think it is so timeless and beautiful. I really enjoyed how your introduction began in modern times, I feel like most of the storybooks are set in a different era so that was a refreshing change. You had a couple of grammatical errors that I would read through again, and I would also be very careful of your tenses when you are having the dancer go over the choreography in her head. I thought that was a very natural way of explaining the story but just make sure if you are reviewing it in past tense that you stay in past tense. What a great cliff hanger at the end, I am dying to know what happens after this! All in all I thought this was a really great start to your project and I cannot wait to read more!
ReplyDeleteHi McKenzie,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your introduction I love the Nutcracker so I'm excited to read the rest of the story. I was really grateful that you included a link for the bourre, because otherwise I would not have know what that was. I really enjoy the story within a story approach that you're taking. I like that you included why you want to write this story in your Author's Note. It might be helpful to further explain the typical plot of the Nutcracker in the note. There were a few grammatical errors I noticed, but nothing that deterred from being able to easily read the story. I think this story could potentially be developed further if you elaborated on Mina's personality more. If she is a very logical person, she may be more intensely shocked by her transportation into the story. Great job, and I look forward to reading the rest of your Storybook
Hey McKenzie! I thought this story was really interesting! The way you described the setting, the stage, and the entire play was really cool! You described the switch between young Clara and adult Clara perfectly to where people would understand what you meant! I could imagine that scene in my head and I could imagine myself loving that scene along with the rest of the audience! I thought it was super cool how you made her appear in front of a real castle at the end of the story. It gets people wondering if this is a dream or if this is a magical world that Mina is living in. I also liked the picture you incorporated into the story because it's a really pretty image of someone playing Clara in a Nutcracker play and it sets the mood pretty well. I can't wait to read the rest of the story! :)
ReplyDeleteAs someone who had a sister that danced in the Nutcracker for many years, it was a nice reminder of those times to read about the way you described the Nutcracker!
ReplyDeleteI like your choice of images so far. The Nutcracker on the home page is an obvious choice that works really well, showing us what the nutcracker looks like. The title works well too, since it describes both what the Nutcracker is about as well as the story of the Introduction where Mina gets pulled into a fantasy world right from the stage!
One thing you might want to look at is the structure of your sentences. There were a few times in the Introduction where the wording felt a little awkward and halting and could be smoothed out a little. Other than that, the concept is solid and I look forward to seeing how you take the Nutcracker and apply... well, the very idea of the Nutcracker's story to it!
Hi Mckenzie!
ReplyDeleteYour storybook caught my eye because I used to dance in the Nutcracker every year as well when I was a child. I always looked forward to trying out for the Nutcracker and seeing what character I would get to be that year. Your introduction really brought back some good memories from my childhood. I liked your use of imagery in both your introduction and story 1. I think it really would help people to see the characters if they have never heard of or seen the nutcracker before. Also, I was very engaged the whole time I was reading your storybook and after reading story 1, I was left wanting to know what was going to happen next. I guess that is the fun of these things right? Anyways, great job! I am looking forward to see the end result of your story book and what other adventures Mina may get into.
Hi Mckenzie,
ReplyDeleteFirst, I love your overall storybook theme. I think it is awesome that you were able to connect this story with a personal story of your own. That makes it so much easier and more enjoyable to write! The title for your story is perfect - the image and title really draw your readers in. Your introduction has a lot of detail to help the readers understand the overall idea and theme of the Nutcracker. I have seen the plays several times, but I don't know the whole story. Your images are perfect because it helps develop Clara in the story. The main recommendation that I have is in regards to your first story. I did not see an author's note. Although it doesn't seem really important, it is always nice to get a good background of the story and where you received your inspiration from. I wasn't sure if this story was connected to the author's note on your first page or not. Since I am slightly unfamiliar with the overall story, I think it would help some of your readers get a better idea of where you are going with it. But I think your story was written really well and it allowed my imagination to go wild. Your descriptions of the places and characters are perfect! Good job!
Hello!
ReplyDeleteOh my goodness! I really like this! I could tell right away that you had some knowledge of ballet. When I read your author's note and saw that you have danced in the Nutcracker 7 times, I was glad to see I was right. I have danced in the Nutcracker before, but I was just a snowflake. My ballet knowledge is like zero and I don't dance anymore, but I think it is super amazing that you are able to take that knowledge you have and turn it into a story like this. I love the idea that the main character is an actual ballerina and gets transported into the ballet she is performing. Even better, her life once transported in is the same as the character she was playing. I can't wait to keep reading this story! My only critic is the names of each chapter in your story. I think "story 1" could be named something different. Overall, awesome job!
Hi McKenzie! I loved reading your storybook about the Nutcracker happening in real life. I was really impressed with how you setup the scenes and described everything in vivid detail. I actually felt like I was there with Mina. I think it is awesome that you danced in the Nutcracker for seven years and I think that is what helped you write a really descriptive storybook. I also loved the pictures that you used for your storybook as I found that they were actually related to the story you were telling. I do have some feedback for you on your navigation buttons. I would change the name of Story 1 to something more descriptive as the reader can already tell that it is Story 1. Instead of saying Story 1 I would maybe rename it to: “Mina in the Castle” or something like that. I would pick a title that would tease the story without revealing everything.
ReplyDeleteHello McKenzie!
ReplyDeleteI love your blog layout, I have the exact same one! I clicked on your story because I am a huge fan of The Nutcracker. I loved reading your storybook! I am happy that you wrote about something you had personal experience with. Do you still do ballet? It was really cool how you put something you are passionate about into a storybook. I love the choices of images you have! It goes along with your theme and stories very well. The images definitely help the readers visualize what you are trying to convey. I loved everything about The Castle. I loved the amount of details and dialogue you had. I liked the twist at the end. I am intrigued to learn more about the Evil Mouse Queen. I look forward to reading more of your story!
Hello McKenzie!
ReplyDeleteI absolutely love your idea. It's very original and I also grew up with this story so it's very fun to read a similar yet different twist to it! I love the layout of your blog, it's very easy to navigate and it's easy to keep track of the story. I appreciate the author's note too and how you kind of recap what has happened so far in the story. Your story is a mixture of modern times with a fantasy world, and I really like it. It can be hard to mix the two without confusing people, but the way you used the mirror to link them was great! I personally have never heard of the version where Madam Mouse is involved, so I'm very interested to see where it goes! My only suggestion is to perhaps focus on using descriptive words to really set the scenery because this play is so vivid!
Hi McKenzie! I was a ballet dancer for sixteen years, so reading your introduction brought me right back to Nutcracker season. I especially liked the way you described the feeling of nervous excitement Mina feels as she climbs into the mirror. I have had that same experience many times climbing into a present before popping out as the Soldier Doll in the Party Scene.
ReplyDeleteIn "The Castle" I love the idea of a dancer getting to actually experience the second act of the ballet. That would be quite the experience! The only thing I noticed was in the final sentence I think you meant "better known as the Evil Mouse Queen" instead of "better know as the Evil Mouse Queen." I'm looking forward to hearing about her in the next story.
I like how you have paralleled the traditional battle scene in your story but with a new character who has a real motivation for attacking the kingdom. Unlike the Rat King in the ballet who usually seems to attack for no reason, Madam Mouserinks wants revenge.
I also love all the great ballet photos. Good job!
Hi McKenzie! Wow, it sure has been a while since I have thought about the Nutcracker. Growing up every Christmas time in Houston the Nutcracker would be performed with the Houston symphony. This was a refreshing blast to the past reading your stories. I really enjoyed the turn you took to take the ballerina who plays Clara into the actual Nutcracker world. While I was reading your introduction, I was so consumed by the actual story of the Nutcracker that I forgot you were probably going to be changing it up a bit. As I was reading your stories I was actually picturing myself there. You do a wonderful job creating images through words in your writing. I also think you have done a great job creating and experience for your readers through the appearance of your project website. Overall, I think you are a fantastic storyteller. I look forward to reading more from you in the future and seeing where you take your stories. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteHi McKenzie! I love the layout of your storybook and the pictures you chose to use in it! It really brings the Christmas feel to your project. While sadly to say, I am not too familiar with the Nutcracker, I do like the idea of your storybook. I've always wanted to go watch the Nutcracker ballet, but just never have around Christmas time. I liked that you have decided to use original stories and retelling them in a way that is still dance related. Your writing is very easy to read, and I actually feel as if I was there with Clara, experiencing all the changes she is. I can't wait to read more of your project! Good job!
ReplyDeleteHey McKenzie! First off, I absolutely love the style and layout of your storybook and your blog. The blog is super colorful, without being distracting. Your storybook has wonderful pictures that really set the scene for Christmas. I also love the theme for your storybook. I am a huge fan of The Nutcracker! It is my favorite ballet and my father has taken me to see it every December since I was a small child. Your storybook brought back all those memories of the magic of that ballet. I once saw a production of it where the ballet company changed up the story, but I love your changes more. I hope I get the chance to come back and read more, because I absolutely love this! Great work!
ReplyDeleteHi McKenzie! First and foremost, great layout to your storybook and blog. All the header photos and background photos set the scene and are very colorful! The theme of the story book is really fun and who doesn't love Christmas. Its really neat that the second story was based on a play. The dialogue seemed so real and I felt like I was right there in the ballroom. I also really liked the ending how the tear saved the Nutcrackers life. The scene was so well described that I had a very clear image, almost movie-like, of what happened. Some places I would consider expanding on would be the battle. It seemed like she grabbed a weapon, was surrounded, and then the battle was over. Some descriptions on the difficulty and how they traded blows would be great to read! Otherwise, really fun story and I look forward to reading more!
ReplyDeleteHey, McKenzie, I really like the premise of your project. Its super creative and unique. I'm in the Indian Epics class but I am really glad I stumbled on your storybook! I like the look of your site as well. The pictures you've chosen are awesome. What if you added some of the music from The Nutcracker to add another dimension to your project? Embedding sound is pretty easy and would take your readers even deeper into the world of your story. Writing-wise your stories are really good and rich description seems to be a strong point for you. I think the only thing revision I could suggest would be to separate your dialogue from the rest of the paragraph, it would just make the stories flow better. I really glad I found your project and your knowledge of ballet and The Nutcracker really shines through, thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteHi Mackenzie! Your project is so unique and interesting, and I think it's super amazing that you've drawn not only from an established story but from your own personal experience with that story! You do a really good job of giving us Mina's perspective (your experience shines through) and the dialogue all felt very natural. You also excel at telling the story effectively - you're succinct without sacrificing detail. The way you end each episode of the larger tale on an exciting cliffhanger really stuck out to me, as I haven't seen that done in any other storybooks and it kept me hooked. My only critique would be that your home page seems a little empty at the moment because of all the white space. It might help to add another picture besides the header! Overall, I had a lovely time reading through your storybook, and I'll definitely be revisiting it in the future!
ReplyDeleteHey there, Mackenzie!
ReplyDeleteThis was a really neat and creative idea for a storybook project. I really like the fact that you chose something that had personal meaning to you. I think that this always makes it easier when trying to creatively write. It makes the stories flow so much better and contain detail that you can relate to. I also really liked the overall setup of your story page. It is very easy to navigate and had a clean look to it. The intro was also very nicely written. It contains plenty of detail and background knowledge. It really does a great job in setting the stage for the upcoming stories. The additional two stories were also great. The dialogue is great and it adds to the magnitude of the situation. I really liked how well you described Mina's current state and the utter confusion of the situation. You are doing a great job here. Keep up the great work!
Hi McKenzie! I read your introduction a few weeks ago and was excited to come back and see how your storybook was progressing. Your pictures are so beautiful and set the tone perfectly for the stories! How you described the scene of "The Castle" was just beautiful, and I love that Mina's friends were there but that they are part of the world and do not know her. I also thought the twist at the end where the Mouse Queen shows up was a fun surprise that we were not expecting. The story was super well written and very immersive. I also enjoyed your story describing the battle, and am curious how the romance between the nutcracker and Mina will continue to develop in the next story! It seems that your storybook has all the elements needed for a really intriguing story, and I really enjoyed how it has progressed. Great job!
ReplyDeleteHey McKenzie! Wassup girl! First of all, this is my first time reading your project and I like the way it's laid out! Also, it's really smart that you had a dance theme in your project because I know how much you love dance (obviously) and I also know it's a big part of your life (also obviously!). I did kind of the same thing with my storybook and had the same character laced throughout each story. I like how you did it with yours because I think it connects everything together in a very unique way. I thought the story, "The Castle" was particularly interesting because you took something that actually happens on stage and transforms it into the "real world." It's interesting because Mina already kind of knows what's going on because she sees it onstage but now she is seeing it from a really different perspective! Keep up the great work with your storybook McKenzie it looks really good!
ReplyDeleteHey there McKenzie, I really like the idea of your project. Its creative and unique and definitely not something I could have thought up. I'm in the Indian Epics class but I am really glad the randomized gave me your storybook! I like the look of your site as well. The pictures you have used really help the reader get the full affect of the story. What if you added some of the music from The Nutcracker to add another dimension to your project!? I really think that would add just another level to the story experience. Writing-wise your stories are really good and rich description seems to be a strong point for you. I think the only thing revision I could suggest would be to separate your dialogue from the rest of the paragraph, it would just make the stories flow better. Anyways good job on the story and I hope the rest of the semester goes well for you!
ReplyDeleteHi, McKenzie! As a music major, one of the main things that drew me to your story is the title. Tchaikovsky is my favorite composer and as he composed The Nutcracker, I just had to read it. This week, I chose to focus mostly on your story, “The Castle.” So to begin, you have set the staging so well! The only thing I would suggest on this front is to add some imagery! What did the castle look like? Was it stone? Was there a drawbridge? Next, are the chandeliers in the ballroom? I love the spin you are taking on this story. It is so intriguing for us to read this classic story from a different point of view. Also, the picture of the ballroom is totally gorgeous. I also love the spin that the mouse king is actually a queen in your version. Thanks so much for sharing a piece of your craft with us. I look forward to reading more!
ReplyDeleteHi again, McKenzie! I still absolutely love the look of your two sites. They both look great with beautiful designs and great color choices! Your storybook is really coming together. I really like the latest part, The Battle. Your writing is fantastic! I also really enjoy your banner image on that page. The Tulsa Ballet's production of The Nutcracker is the one that I have attended every December since I was a little girl. I think your story is really great, just maybe add in some more details to help the readers really picture what is happening. I hope to read more!
ReplyDeleteHi McKenzie! I haven't visited your storybook since you first published your introduction. I love the story of the Nutcracker so I am excited that your story has expanded so much!
ReplyDeleteI love how your stories flow together to create a beautiful, cohesive tale. You've done a great job at displaying the confusion that Mina is feeling in the moment after she walks into the palace and is greeted by the dancers. I like the twist at the end with the evil Mouse Queen! Again, you've done such a great job at painting your story. I can vividly see Clara (Mina) and the other dancing ripping off decorations to swarm the mice.
I enjoy your Author’s Notes! You clearly show where you draw different elements and inspirations for your story from. I didn’t realize there were so many plot differences between different retellings of the Nutcracker.
Great job with this story!
Hi, McKenzie!
ReplyDeleteI am so surprised that it has taken me until the end of the semester to find your Storybook project, but I am so glad that I came to it before the semester ends!
I love that you were able to find a connection between the class and a topic that has personal significance to you, and then write a story about it. This retelling of the Nutcracker is so cool, especially because I was previously unfamiliar with the story. I learned a lot about both the story and the ballet from reading your retelling! I like that you were willing to veer from the popular ballet and incorporate elements from original story, while also adding your own unique details. You could use a little more proofreading in some places, but overall, I think your storyline is very good, and made for an interesting read. Great work!